Monday, April 29, 2013


Why start a blog?

     To understand my motivation in starting a blog, you must first understand a few things about my current personal life. In January, one of my younger sisters Rachel (she is 22) was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Rachel had been cancer free for 17 years until she started experiencing some numbness and tingling. She had an MRI which showed a cancerous spot. She had a biopsy, then surgery, which all lead up to her learning that her cancer is aggressive and incurable. Now she is currently on a low dose chemo which isn't supposed to have any major side effects and will be starting radiation today. On top of all that, I just completed my graduate degree in secondary English education, but I am now wondering if I even want to teach while I have a child at home (my daughter is 15 months old). So I am currently applying for jobs while I am trying to seek God's direction.

     So why write a blog? Because I have been haunted by this question of why? Why Rachel? Why now? Why do other areas of my life feel so up-in-the air right now? Why is my family called to struggle through this? Why? Why? Why?



     I don't know the answer and I never will this side of heaven. And, honestly, the answers do not matter. They will not remove my pain. So rather than focus on the unknowable, I must "turn my eyes upon Jesus" and focus on what I do know. I know God the Father allowed His Son to die on the cross to redeem humanity from sin because He is gracious and loving. The world is fallen. Life is hard. But "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8)," so He is still gracious and loving. Rather than allowing myself to wallow and focusing on the internal, I must turn my focus outward. Who can I minister to? How can I be an example? In what ways can I serve my family? How can I lessen someone else's burden?

     Why write a blog? Because I don't want to forget. A lady at my church told me that God would teach me some precious lessons during this struggle. She said they would be "difficult but precious." I don't want to forget the good and only remember the difficult. I don't want to forget how the Jesus "bound up my broken heart" (Is. 61:1) during this time. I want to remember what happened when I stopped bottling up my sorrow and finally fell to my knees in surrender. Since January, I have been praying that God would show me how He will redeem this struggle and use it for His glory. I do not want to forget the little glimpses He gives me.

     So this is a way to keep me honest. A way to remind me to praise the Lord even when I do not feel like it. A reminder to "count my many blessing." A reminder to pray even if I do not fully understand how the Lord uses my prayers. A reminder to be in the Word so that I can grow in my faith.

     Starting tomorrow a few members of my family, some fellow followers of Christ, and myself will be beginning a three day fast to pray for my sister. We will be fasting as a reminder to pray for God's glory to be revealed in my sister's struggle regardless of how the Lord should choose to work. I will be praying that my family would remain faithful to the Lord and that we would not dishonor His name. I will pray that many (including myself) will be encouraged to be bold for the gospel because life is short. I will pray for the salvation of those who come in contact with members of my family/church family. And I will thank the Lord for being faithful. Please join with me in prayer.