Monday, October 7, 2013

One Day I Will Meet You, Precious Child of Mine

     For three days, I knew I was pregnant. With a positive pregnancy test to prove it, I rejoiced for the new life that was growing within me. For three days, I basked in the nausea that was a constant reminder of the blessing I would receive. Jacob and I prayed for our child, dreamed about our child, imagined what our child would look like, and grew ever more excited. On Thursday, I found out I was pregnant. On Sunday, I knew I no longer was.

     Naturally, we grieved and are continuing to grieve. But the Lord truly prepared my heart for this. I have never grieved like this before because in the midst of my pain and sorrow, as strange as this may sound, I am grateful. Every parent wants to protect their children, and every parent who sees their child in pain desires to carry the pain for their child.

     In a way, the Lord has allowed me to do this. I hurt and grieve and sorrow, but our child never will. For that, I rejoice.The Lord has protected my child in a way that I never could. My child will never be bullied, feel insecure or devalued, experience sorrow or heartache, feel rejected, be persecuted, or feel alone. My child will never experience my love in its current imperfect form. I will never snap at this child or accidentally hurt his or her feelings. When I meet this child, my love will have been perfected. I will never have to worry about this child's salvation because our child already knows the Lord more fully that Jacob or I do. Our child dwells in a place of eternal joy and glory. A place untainted by sin and filled with the presence of the good, creator God. So in my grief, I rejoice.

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth
Psalm 34:1

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all
Psalm 34:18-19

Starfield - "Hiding Place"


  1. Thank you for writing this post *and for Dixie sharing it on FB*. I just had a loss last month. I knew I was pregnant from Thursday-Tuesday when I spotted for just 24 hours. I didn't get confirmation of the loss until Friday, so I had one week to be pregnant, but most of it was wrought with fear of another loss. (I've had at least 3 now) Its been a hard time for me to process and get back on track, especially since I never had any "period" to show the loss. :( I'm taking homeopathic sepia now to help balance my hormones because I have been a sobbing, short-tempered wreck. Anyway, thank you for sharing. I've only told a handful of friends, not even my parents. I don't want them to think we were trying....and then deal with that harassment.

    1. Stephanie, my heart grieves for your loss. I have no words of consolation. I can only imagine the heartbreak you must feel. It is my prayer that the Lord will bind up you broken heart (Isaiah 61:1). Since I have no words of my own, I offer you a verse that has brought me peace in the past several months. Please be assured that you will be in my prayers.
      2 Corinthians 1:3b-5
      the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

      It my deepest prayer that you will experience the Lord's comfort in an undeniable and powerful way.

  2. Becky & Jacob we are so sorry. I know it must hurt so bad!. I am so glad the Lord is leading you thru the grieving with understanding and acceptance, Our prayers are with you both.

  3. Wow, thank you as well for writing it and Dixie for posting it... I did not want any more children after our last one was born (EJ was born about 2 years ago). I got pregnant again and knew it for about 3 weeks. I got over the not wanting to be pregnant really quick and was excited that EJ would not be "alone: in his huge age gap between him and his youngest sibling. We too got very excited about the future of this child. Went in for my first appt and learned the baby had just stopped forming and I lost him/her about a week later. I have felt so very guilty for not wanting any more kids, that somehow it was my fault. Thank you... for reminding me that my youngest child dwells with our Lord in the best place possible.

    1. Andria, it is my prayer that the Lord would help you to release the guilt that you have felt. I pray that the Lord would remind you that He was still sovereign over your situation. Your temporary feelings of not wanting another child were not. I pray that you will find freedom from the burden that you carry and that God would heal your heart. You are in my prayers.

  4. Becky, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing such an incredible perspective from your heart. It's simply beautiful. I lost a baby 19 years ago when I was 12 weeks along. There is much comfort in knowing that the children we've lost are wrapped in Jesus' arms forever and will never experience the suffering and heartache of this world. I'm praying that God will be your comfort and source of healing. God bless.