People are constantly telling me how much my daughter is like me. And it's absolutely true. She looks like me, has a strong-will like me, is very verbal, and loves music. Since my daughter has turned two, I cannot count how many well meaning people have told me that my daughter is "paying me back" for how I was as a child. I can't seem to get her to be quiet when we pray at church, so people tell me "Well, that's just payback." She throws a fit; "Welcome to payback." She tells me "no;" "That's payback for you!" It's a common phrase that gets thrown at parents. I understand that these well meaning people are really trying to say, "Wow, you must have your hands full." But for a moment, can we just think about what is really being communicated. What is really being implied is that my daughter is my punishment for my toddler/childhood/teenage bad behavior.
This is not how I view my child.
Yes, at times she is difficult. Yes, at times she screams and cries. Yes, at times she and I go to battle. But she is two. Welcome to toddlers. God did not give me this child to punish me or to make me realize that I made my parents' lives difficult. If my son doesn't sleep for months after he is born, it wont be because God is paying me back for having colic as a newborn. God gave me these children as a blessing.
Psalm 127:3 states, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." This doesn't exactly sound like "payback" or punishment to me.
Yes, I realize that I have probably taken this too personally, but it is my fear that my childhood anger will be imposed on my daughter. I fear that because she is like me that people will assume that she is going to fall into the same sins I did. So being told that she is "payback" reinforces those fears.
So here is my request: when speaking to parents about their children, can we just ask ourselves a few questions.
- Is this encouraging?
- Is this beneficial?
- If not, does it even need to be said?
*Sigh* End rant.
So sorry. We should all be so careful when throwing out cliché's to new mothers. She is being normal. Terrible twos are a real thing. My observation is that it is the age when their knowledge and understanding surpasses their physical abilities and frustration sets in. And when you are two, frustration comes out loud and tearful. Hang in there. She is beautiful and you are doing a great job. P.S. Aunt Karen Faye never saw these things in you.
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