I think if I just knew what I am supposed to be learning then it would be so much easier. Am I supposed to be learning patience, and I need to just keep applying for teaching/tutoring type jobs? Am I supposed to be learning perseverance, and I just need to keep petitioning God and contacting the places I have applied? Am I supposed to be learning trust, and the Lord is going to walk me through a time of rejection? Am I supposed to learn humility, and I should start applying for jobs outside of my educational background? What am I supposed to be learning? Is there even a right answer? Am I supposed to be learning all of these things? (<- Aren't these all nice, religious ways of saying that I wish God would just tell me the result?).
Obviously, I want the Lord to work like a formula where if I do A & B then, as a result, He will give me C. Clearly, this is not how the Lord works. So rather than being completely frustrated with my life and allowing worry to rule, I am now trying to be content. I am still going to seek a job, but I wont allow my stress and in-between-ness to steal my joy.
Today, I have been meditating on Philippians 4:11-13 which states,
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Oh, how these verses convict me because I am so rarely content. So often are my prayers filled with complaints and jealousy resides in my heart. So often I am ungrateful for God's good gifts, and I refuse to acknowledge how generous the Lord is. How I wish to be rid of this ugliness in my heart!
Lord, today I am asking that You would give me the strength to be content. When worry comes creeping into my mind, help me to dispel it by focusing on Your faithfulness and goodness. Give me patience so that I may find peace in this transition. Help me to remain obedient to the tasks You have commanded me. Help me to be faithful to Your word, loving to my family, and a good steward of my finances. Give me grace to accept Your good plan.
"Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me"
- "Somewhere in the Middle" by Casting Crowns